Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
