yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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