I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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