what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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