i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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