Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
