Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
