Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
