drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
