dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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