Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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