Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
nutella sex= disaster
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize