Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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