Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
