CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
zippers are such a cool invention
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
