I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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