I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
