i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Randomize
