I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
