I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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