is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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