another moral hangover. fuck.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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