My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
