the new term for farting is butt boxing.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize