but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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