wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
