Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
