At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
