I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
