Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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