The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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