At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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