did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
