similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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