I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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