my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
