i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
