just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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