Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
