i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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