i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
