can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
