I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
