I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You made out with two different species that night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
