If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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