I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize