I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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