Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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