The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize