Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
