My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
