Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
