It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
