This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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