Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
