did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so let's talk penis.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
