make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
