she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
