nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My cat gives me a boner
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
