For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
