I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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