I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
