What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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