just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
