It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
