well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
