Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
