His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
