My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
