Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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