I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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