can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
3 2 1 whiskey
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
