New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
