I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize