I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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