cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
