there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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