We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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