she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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