why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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