I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
