omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
