I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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