You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
