I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
