Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize